The Rules of Engagement

Posted: April 11, 2010 in My Poetry
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

I am back where I was 2 years ago:
put on “relationship probation”.
I’ll get a chance to “prove” myself
an able, “fitting partner”.

You are getting a haircut today.
I wonder if I’ll ever see it.
Last time, although I upheld my end of the bargain,
I never saw my probation officer again.
He had his own motives and agenda
having nothing to do with my health;
mental or physical, or my sobriety;
his interest in that was merely
a last ditch effort to avoid the truth:
that he’d found someone “better”,
and I’d become Plan B.

Forgive me if I seem a bit jaded
when you tell me you love me, but
you’re waiting to see if I can become,
again, the “someone”
you thought I was, at first.
Can you? Is anyone still perfect,
18 months into love?
The term “Honeymoon stage”
exists for a reason.

And please excuse me
while I disbelieve
that all your spare time is
spent with your many friends
(Who didn’t exist before)
which is why you have
so little time for me –

I heard that exact line before,
two years ago –
“Stop being so damn paranoid!
She’s very married, with children
and lives far away.”
Later to discover that
your sudden interest in health
was actually an interest in
female anatomy…
but not mine, of course.

Forgive me if I seem bitter
that you prefer to spend your time
chatting with online “friends”,
to speaking to me
on the phone or webcam.
I can’t remember how long it’s been,
since I saw you, face to face –
even from a computer screen,
1800 miles away.

Two can play that game.
I know all the rules, now
and I play to win.
I’m ruthless in these matters.
I have nothing left to lose.

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