Scar Wars

Posted: April 27, 2010 in My Poetry
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

The knife is handy all the time.
I like the way it feels.
Its cool presence on my nightstand,
glinting in the lamplight;
promising release, should the need arise.

I have them in my desk drawers
both at home and at work;
cigarette lighters too,
although I’ve never smoked.
I keep them there like security blankets.
I look at them often. Longing…

The crisp gleam of shining metal
and the coveted blue flame
are always there for me,
when salvation’s what I seek.

Although there are those who call me weak
for my strange addiction to pain,
I find solace in the swift sting of the blade
or the smoldering crackle of skin under
glowing metal fire.

These acts clear my mind of pain and anger;
reset my thoughts to nothing.
My insides, all grey, empty fog.
The writhing anguish is banished
with deliberate self injury,
and I can breathe again.

My heart stops its stuttering beat
as numbness stills its rhythm.

  1. Thanks Meg. I think it takes someone who self injures to really understand the impulse. It isn’t something most people ever truly get. I thought I might as well help with your endeavor to lift the veil of secrecy that most people with any type of mental illness live under and show the world that we are everywhere and could be anyone. It’s a disease, no different than diabetes or any other congenital defect. Your untitled poem on your blog gave me the courage to post mine : )

    • Meg LeDuc says:

      Oh, it makes me incredibly happy to hear that my untitled poem about self-injury inspired you! It makes me feel so good about myself, as if I am actually helping people. Thank you! If you feel comfortable (if you don’t, please just forget about it), I would really, really appreciate it if you would allow me to post one of your poems about self-injury on Divinest Sense. People need to start talking about this!

      • You are welcome to post anything here on your site. I think that SI is something that so few people understand, especially now that it’s almost a trendy emo thing to do. People who truly struggle with it, are still not being heard or understood. As a scientist for a worldwide company, I am in a profession where I could be discredited very quickly if people actually knew what I was “really” like. As it is, I thank God that the most of the scars I have are easily hidden by clothes.

  2. Meg LeDuc says:

    That’s me! I know that! I know what it’s like to have a razor blade make me feel safe. I know what it’s like to invent new purposes for cigarettes. I have the scars. All over. Thank you so, so much for posting this incredibly brave poem.

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