Chrysalis Turned Butterfly

Posted: April 29, 2010 in My Poetry
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Anger: exaggerated dependence
and its cost is great.
Exploring its origins can be dangerous,
as each of us still carries within us,
the child we once were.

This shadow child sometimes
has outbursts; says things that aren’t true;
lies to protect the vulnerability she feels.

This is the child I must nurture
and reconnect with.
I must surrender to this chaos
or completely fall apart.
Grief is performing a balancing act
between detachment and dependence.

Then, the healing art of letting go:
solitude. Being alone and undisturbed,
I can see forgotten patterns emerging
from the rejected, abused,
betrayed, inferior child;
to the troubled, discouraged adult.

I now have the power
to gather that child close.
Awaken with her in my arms.
Show her that she is respected
and valuable to me –
That what was broken
by unrelenting violence;
both physical and emotional
can and will heal.
That there is chemistry at work
and fear need not find harbor
at this shoreline.

At first,
the child will disbelieve this truth.
The intensity of relief she feels,
shakes her at the middle –
shivering her bent, submissive backbone
as she slowly comes to realize
that she will be okay.

Without the child’s trust,
the cycle will continue on
far into the future,
with each successive child.

I must compete against that enemy
who wants to keep me imprisoned
in a cage of fear.
I’ve dwelt there for years.

I battle to exclude all negativity
and self-doubt to emerge again,
reborn.

Not a victim anymore.

Audio Reading

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Comments
  1. markbyrd says:

    May GOD Bless you!!! I was traveling in your world the other day and saw where you wrote that LOVE is a word to avoid. I can tell by your recent post that there no longer exist a need to hide from LOVE nor a desire to either. So good to read your heart Hun. Should you ever need to talk please e-mail me and I will forward you my number. Love , Mark

    • Thanks so much, Mark. I have healed a lot over the years. I still have a long way to go, but everyone is a work in progress. As my mom always says “Be patient, God isn’t finished with me yet!” I really appreciate your support and compassion.

  2. Meg says:

    Perhaps you are past the point where the following poem is appropriate. Rereading your poem, I think you are–and that makes me glad. Perhaps the following poem should be given to someone else. But I was trying to write a poem today, and I thought of you. This is what I came up with:

    Chrysalis: In Answer
    by Meg LeDuc

    Wings eyed with iridescence
    Are, even now, forming in absolute dark.
    But you who are still blind, still captive,
    Still a secret, even to yourself,
    Cannot conceive a breeze,
    Much less–that it will caress.
    That light will prove your beauty true,
    That children will joy in you as wonder,
    That the very air will love you into flight–
    Mysteries indeed. But those who choose
    Intimacy with suffering, intimacy with splendor–
    We poets are gathered, a great throng, all
    In anticipation–of you.

    • What a beautiful poem. I love it. Thank you. A lot of my poetry is from older times. For instance, my son is now 23, but I post what I like, or what I feel I should on any given day. I am much farther away from the dark side than I used to be, but it’s always a struggle. Again, thanks for the poem and the sentiment behind it.

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