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Perfection as elusive as a shadow,
Plagues my every step,
Like a ravened wolf seeks for food,
Waiting for me to fail.
I try. My best falls short.
I’m a warrior at heart, not a quitter.
Quitters are the smart ones.
I go on, until on the highest overlook
I see the vastness below – huge
And I stand alone, cold – freezing
Judged unfit.
“You are a mere human.”
Be gone.

© Ruth

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Comments
  1. S.L. Corsua says:

    Ruth, I first read this as your comment on your biography page here in Gay’s site, and all I could think of was – “I ache for you.” I could go on and on, convey and approximate the overwhelming effect of your words — their context, your intensity — on me, but the understatement, “I ache for you,” will do for now.

    I hope, with your strength, that you still smile as you do in your photograph. With your eyes, I mean.

    Gay, thank you for sharing your family’s poetry. I’ve read the biographies and the poems, along with your own sharing in your About Me page. Please know that you have enriched me, and that my prayers are with you and your family, especially with Mason.

    • Thanks so much for your comments. I know they mean a lot to us all. Thanks too for taking the time to look at all of our pages. I know it’s time consuming, but I hope that it conveys at least part of what I am hoping to achieve with my site. I don’t ever want anyone else to have to go through the pain that comes from having a loved one take their own life. If even one person is touched, it makes it all worthwhile. Thanks again for you kindness.

  2. Karla says:

    I love that you are writing and sharing your poetry and I think we all can relate. But you don’t need to be perfect, you don’t need to be more than you already are. I have always admired how loving and generous you are with EVERYONE. You are funny, smart and you are a warrior. You have done what not many people could and you do it with a snarky grin on your face (most the time) You are perfectly imperfect. Celebrate your strengths and remember that you are loved and admired by many people.

    • I know! She needs to publish MORE MORE MORE! I am actually guilty of that one. I have a poem of her’s in my purse that I’ve been meaning to type and put up but somehow, it never gets done. Damn baby shower. Damn false labor. If that baby doesn’t get here soon, I’m going to be insane (er)!

  3. I love this poem, Ruth. It’s so powerful. Sometimes it seems like we are expected to be superhuman in this life…a lot of the time, in fact. I know that you deal with unrealistic expectations, both at work and at home – but they ARE unrealistic. You aren’t a failure for not living up to them. Unfortunately, the only perfect human was Christ and he was half divine.

    You are a wonderful, caring, and deeply profound person (when you’re not making me laugh my ass off, especially at inappropriate times). Please know how much you are loved, just the way you are.

    Don’t judge yourself. No one but God has the right to judge anyone – including your judgment of yourself. I am proud of you. I love you and think you are coping admirably with one of the more horrible nightmares any parent could endure. Rock on, sister. Much love, always.

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